


Code Name Fuzzy Cuddle Bear

by zeffyamethyst



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Amy is my fave, Gen, I'm sorry (but not that sorry if I'm putting it here I guess), Tumblr made me do it, superhero au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-01
Updated: 2014-04-01
Packaged: 2018-01-17 19:40:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1400104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zeffyamethyst/pseuds/zeffyamethyst
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every universe gets the superheroes it deserves. </p><p>Also known as, "the fic where the detectives of Brooklyn 99 embrace the spandex"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Code Name Fuzzy Cuddle Bear

**Author's Note:**

> 1) Un-beta'd :/  
> 2) Inspired by [this](http://dudski.tumblr.com/post/70208084072/brooklyn-nine-nine-superheros-omg-im-sorry-im-stuck).  
> 3) Apologies for all the crap, all of it.  
> 4) Dedication: roundaboutparka

"No, The Flash cannot be your codename. It's already taken." It's a testament to Holt's inhuman, almost _super_ human, patience that he hasn't thrown a book/clock/gun/knife at Jake already. The rest of the precinct's making bets as to when it'll happen though. It's only a matter of time. Some people aka Amy have also bet that Holt will land a hit on Jake, which would be a first because hello speedster but a girl can dream.

 

"Aww but Captain--no, wait, I got it. Can I be Fuzzy Cuddle Bear? Oh! Oh! Actually even better idea. I can call myself--" Jake pauses for effect, "--Ritalin. How about that? Ironic, right?" 

 

Amy laces her fingers together and smiles brightly at Jake. "You mean paradoxical. You couldn't keep still even if your blood was made of Ritalin."

 

"You mean paroxysmal shut your face and, hey, that's uh some kind of -ist. Hey, cap'n you should ground Santiago for being insensitive." 

 

When Amy was thirteen she perfected her eye rolling skills and ever since she met Jake Peralta aka Speedy, she's used it three time as much as she's ever used it in her teen years. "Bite me, Jake," she says. 

 

"Bite me, Jake," he echoes, his voice high-pitched and mean. Urgh, Amy hates him sometimes.

 

Sarge shushes them, his face twisted with disappointment and exasperation. He's still in his steel-skin mode because they haven't been able to find a shirt big enough for him and Sarge doesn't like being human-skin half naked in front of the team. Amy doesn't judge, everyone has their own weird thing. Like how Gina giggles to herself all the time, even when the precinct was in the middle of a hostile takeover by a group of guys in teddy bear suits. Or how Rosa really likes to kill people with her thighs--Amy saw it once, it was weird (and okay, a bit of a turn on. It's okay to be attracted to Rosa, everyone's a little attracted to Rosa).

 

"As I was saying," Holt says in his amazingly masculine voice that Amy could listen to forever. "Could someone please tell me what happened back there?"

 

"The Vulture," Rosa says, making the word sound like she's saying a whole lot of four-lettered 'f' words. Amy heartily agrees with the sentiment.

 

"He just appeared out of nowhere, sir," Amy says, folding her arms. She hates her new suit because it's so figure hugging but it's miles better than her old one where it had a boob window and she kept worrying that she was going to pop out of it mid-fight. Jake wouldn't stop laughing at her when she told him. Totally the last time she ever confided in him about anything. 

 

"Sir, he made Boyle nervous" Sarge says. "And you know what happens when Boyle gets nervous." 

 

Poor Boyle, in the corner with a gag in his mouth, nods. Amy winces thinking of what happened to the aquarium. To be more specific, to the fishes in the aquarium. There were a lot of fishes and then when Boyle was done there were a lot of floating fish guts. 

 

Jake puts up a hand. "Can we vote to put him on the villain list now?"

 

"I could just kill him," Rosa offers. "I scouted lots of hiding places round the city. No one'd ever know." 

 

Scully and Hitchcock, who spent the whole freaking time yelling useless advice at them over the comm, nod like identical bobble heads. Amy's not sure they know what they're agreeing with. 

 

Holt doesn't pinch the bridge of his nose and hide in his office, which is what their old handler, Milligan, would have done. He just looks at them and says, "Let me handle this. Dismissed."

 

Jake opens his mouth but Sarge is even quicker and snaps a hand around Jake's mouth. Amy is impressed given that Sarge is practically a giant and Jake can literally talk at three thousand words a minute if he puts his mind to it, but then again Sarge talks about Jake a lot in his department mandated therapy sessions. The therapist probably gave him clues on how to handle Jake. "Yes, sir," Sarge says, smiling. "Let's go guys." 

 

With the sound of Jake's whining in the background, the NYSHD's Brooklyn 99 walk out of the debriefing room in various state of exhaustion. Scully, Hitchcock and Boyle peel off to see medical while Rosa ignores the fact she's bleeding onto the generic blue carpet so she can check her guns instead. Amy's lucky, she heals fast. Not as fast as Jake but super soldier serum is an amazing thing. And well, Sarge is Sarge. 

 

Jake pats at Sarge's arm in the universal gesture for 'holy crap I'm actually dying here.' Sarge sometimes forgets that most people aren't ex-marine bodybuilders who sometimes turn into walking talking metal statues. Sarge lets go and a second later Jake's talking. Amy tries not to wish Sarge had held on. "Hey, so the Vulture kicked out butts and took all the credit, we should celebrate and plot his death. You'd be up for it, right, Rosa?"

 

Rosa looks up, shrugs. Jake turn to Sarge who nods and says, "Only one. Need to get home to read my babies to sleep." 

 

Amy rolls her eyes, again, when Jake puppy-dog eyes her. "Urgh, fine. But I swear to God, Jake. If you take us to that weird bar where the guys keep looking at my chest and groped Rosa I'm going to kick your butt." 

 

Jake grins like he thinks she's kidding and God, she hates him sometimes. Amy turns around to head for the lockers, then pauses. "Also, you're paying the first round because that broken wall was totally your fault."


End file.
